The 72 day itch

Kim Kardashian is getting divorced after 72 days of marriage? What a joke! I’ve had food in my fridge for longer than that. Granted I should have thrown it out after it began to smell, but at least I know a thing or two about commitment. How bad could things be to call it quits after only 2 months and 2 weeks? Most people are still in the honeymoon stage at that point. Even after my humble 4 and a half years of marriage, I still hate being away from Will. He recently went home to South Africa to shoot a wedding, and I missed him terribly while he was away. So much so that I became quite a useless individual:

1. The inability to cook - Men may relate to this one more, but when my husband is away I can't see the point in making an entire meal for just one person. It takes longer to cook the meal than it does to eat it and dishes are your dirty reward at the end of it. One evening was a delicious meal of bacon flavoured crisps (my meat and veg), blueberry yogurt (fruit and dairy) and a cup of tea - at least I made sure it was a balanced meal. The fact that I haven't cooked a meal in 4 years also weighed heavily against any culinary brilliance whilst he was away.

2. My IQ level lowered significantly - There are certain movies that I am not allowed to watch because my husband refuses, and vice versa, it's called compromise. I haven't seen a Will Ferrell movie since we met because my hubby can't stand him. I, on the other hand, loved movies like Elf and Old School. So when he was away I thought it the perfect time to watch movies that I ordinarily would be banned from seeing. My movie choice comprised of Scream 4 (I had seen the first 3 and it would just be wrong not to complete it), Stepbrothers and Blades of glory. I see now that there is a reason I have been banned from these movies. My mind felt like porridge by the end of it, unable to hold an intelligent thought.

3. First sign of madness, I began talking to myself - ‘The Female Brain’ by Louann Brizendine states that women speak an average of 20,000 words a day, compared to men who only speak 7000 words per day. Whether or not this is scientific fact, it is definitely true in our marriage. I hate silence, and I like to fill it, either with music, TV, or the sound of my own voice (or sometimes the sound of my own voice OVER the TV or music.) You can imagine what torture it was for me to not have Will to chat to in the evening. I began to discuss things with myself, and tell myself what I think we should do next. I was, understandably, getting very bored of my own company by the end.

You can imagine how happy I was when he returned home, the promise of decent meals and intelligent conversation returning with him!